Me on Monday

Omgosh! Omgosh! Let me emphasize that OMGOSH!!

Some people just have to go and ruin things for everybody. Or, maybe I’m the one who did it. 

I’ve always listened to my friends complain, gripe, and grouse about the colonoscopy prep. All, except for me. Instead, perhaps I came across as bragging (as much as you can brag about a colonoscopy) because unlike them, I did not have to drink the 5 gallons of stuff! Instead, I was able to take “the pills” and only drink about a gallon of liquid. 

Well, bless my soul! I’m getting ready to pay for it! It’s been 10 years since my last procedure so, I’m due. I went on Friday (Happy New Year to me!) for the pre-procedure appointment. Lo and behold, the doctor I’ve had for the other two—spanning 20 years, has retired. Now I have a new guy. I was informed that he “doesn’t do” the pills! What! Turns out, people didn’t follow the directions. They didn’t drink the amount they were supposed to which ended up causing kidney damage! What the H***! That should be on them! Now everyone is being punished. Okay, in fairness, it’s not just this new doc. Apparently it’s across the board—no more pills. They have stopped producing them. I guess there were lawsuits involved. 

Oh well. So now I have to join my friends in the prep from H***! Except, I’m really being punished. The rules have changed. 

Here’s what I have to do:

5 days before:

    no red meat 

    no raw fruits or vegetables 

    no corn

    vegetable skins or fruit skins

    no salad

    no oatmeal

    no beans 

    no seeds or nuts

    only white pasta--what does that even mean? All pasta is sort of yellow-ish, isn't it?

Starting the day before, I have to have a liquid diet--pretty much the same as before--until I start the prep. After that, nothing. (Side note: that's why I always choose the first appointment of the day). 

What I have to buy (holy smokes, it's a lot):

     2 bottles Miralax

    4 (5 mg) tablets of Ducolax laxative tablets (not stool softeners)

    3-28 oz. bottles of Gatorade (no red or purple)

    1 bottle of Magnesium Citrate

    

So you tell me. Did I do this to myself with my bragging? Maybe I was due for a “comeuppance!” Now, I'm actually kind of sacred! That's what I get for scoffing at all my friends who claimed that the prep was so terrible. In fact, one of my friends (okay, it's Connie) says that she is never going to have another no matter what her doctor says. 

Pray for me!