There, I've said it. I don't know why I'm this way. I was told years ago by a therapist that I do not have good "boundaries." I just always considered myself tenderhearted and empathetic.
I started crying at episodes of Lassie as a little girl. My sisters and brothers always made fun of me. I didn't care. I even cry at some commercials. Books can move me to tears---pretty much anything touching---weddings, graduations, school plays. But here's the problem---and why I don't have good boundaries: I take on other people's problems and suffer sadness and depression in my own life. Here's the other problem: I'm a fixer. I recognize that I can't solve problems or fix things for people I don't know. I realize that I just have to "ride out" the sadness.
It's one thing if the reason for my sadness is caused by people I don't know---I can work through it pretty quickly. This week, on Wednesday, I saw the results of a head-on collision. The girl who lived was 22 yrs. old and driving drunk. She went the wrong way on the interstate. It was big news. The girl who died was 29 and on her way to work. Of course her family was devastated. I can't seem to get them out of my mind. Both lives have been destroyed. I've prayed for them both. But, I'll get over it.
It's much harder when the problems are within my circle of family and friends. That's when the "fixer" part of me comes out. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do. About 6 months ago, we had a family problem that really threw me for a loop. It was completely out of the blue. One of my favorite nieces admitted to having a drug problem. I was weepy for a good 4 weeks. It wasn't far from my mind. I felt so helpless. As the news came that she was getting better every day, I felt better too.
Still, I'm blue about that auto accident this week. I have never been a worrier---except for one thing---car accidents. That is one thing that can really get me worked up. I try to just not think about it too much or the fear sets in. I worry about my teenage grandchildren and their driving---or their friends driving. All I can do is pray for them.
Life is so fragile. This sadness will lift. It always does.
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Have some hugs from across the ocean {{{hugs}}} I can't take away the stress of your empathy but you are not alone. You already knew that though didn't you?
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