Grandparent Rules

Since more of my siblings and friends are having their first grandchild, I thought I would post a list of grandparent rules they might find helpful:

1. Don't bother putting anything away at your house. If your precious grandchild breaks it (and he/she will), it was just "stuff" anyway. Besides, you've never had anything nice since before your own kids were little.

2. If the darlings spill something---and they will, just smile and say, "Oh well, that was just the brand new carpet, sofa, chair, etc. We can always get a new one." Then start saving your money.

3. When the little imps pour tiny alcohol bottles from the airlines all over the pool table, thus "eating" the felt, throw a Waterford vase out of a window, make "soup" with toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and any other bath items they can get ahold of, or flush an entire roll of bathroom cups down the toilet---all at once---requiring a call to Roto-Rooter on a Sunday to the tune of the outrageous weekend rates (yep, my darlings did all of this and more), don't get mad at them. It's really not their fault. It was the fault of the person who was supposed to be watching them. Be mad at them.

4. "Time-out"is for the birds. But you can't hit your grandkids. They're smart these days and know how to dial 911. Instead, use the stupid "time-out," but forget the stupid---1 minute for each year---recommendation. Put those little suckers in time out for as long as it takes for you to get your sanity back. I've been know to use it for up to 3 days.

5. Feed them anything you want or they want. You don't have to pay any doctor or dentist bills.

6. Whenever your grandchildren call for anything just say yes right away. Whatever they want, you'll do it or buy it or take them somewhere---you just can't turn them down. And don't forget your wallet.

7. When they call asking to spend the night, you'll want to say yes. But think for just a minute---were they put up to it because their parents want a night out? Giving up your Friday or Saturday nights is a serious thing. Especially if you still have a social life. If your social life revolves just around your grandkids, then you're already doomed! If you don't have anything going on, then go ahead and babysit. They'll be gone before you know it----remember how that happened with your own kids? It happens even faster with the grandkids.

8. When they ask you to their ball games, dance lessons, gymnastics, soccer, cross country---anything that is ongoing, don't do it! Set the precedence right away that you will go to one of everything they do. Otherwise, they'll expect you to come to everything, thus giving up your Friday and Saturdays and therefore your social life. If you have nothing better to do than go to all of the little darling's games, then you're already doomed.

9. If they ever say the words, "You are not the boss of me"---give them back and never take them again unless you end up inheriting them. Remember rule #4---they know how to use the phone.

10. This is probably the most important rule: When with family and friends, only tell one "cute" story for each kid (which, when it comes to grandkids, is a relative term---you are the only one that thinks your grandkids are the funniest and cutest. Everyone else thinks their own grandkids are. And they would be right. No one loves your grandkids more than you).