Sunday, November 17, 2013

Second Thoughts on Second Opinions

I got a lot of great comments about the second opinions---which reminded me of something else. Sometimes, a second opinion can be a bid for a compliment---intentional or unintentional. As in---if you are asked for your opinion after the fact, then what are you going to say? The decision has already been made. Now you either go along with said decision, or run the risk of hurting someone's feelings.

I was in such a position just a few years ago. A friend called me on the way home from the hair dresser. She had a new "do" and wanted my opinion. This could NOT be good. First off, when you have your hair done, all of the "hair technicians" are in cahoots. As soon as you are finished, your hair dresser will turn to her neighbor in the next cubicle and ask her opinion---more like "doesn't Ms. Eads hair look great like this?" Doesn't matter if she cut it way too short (and knows it) or got the color so far off, that you are wondering how you can even appear in public. The second hair dresser will automatically start to gush. "Oh, Jane, you did such a great job!! She looks fabulous!" You know you are in trouble.

Anyway, on with my story. So, said friend is coming by to show me her new "do." I'm in a panic. I pride myself on the truth. I'm already preparing for what I'm going to say---"I know you must be so excited about this change." She'd been wearing her hair the same way for 20 years. Or, I might say, "that took a lot of guts to make such a drastic change." In the end, I LOVED her hair!!! It really did look cute on her. So what I said was, "OMGosh, that is so cute. Now are you going to be able to fix like that yourself?" I need to learn when to stop talking!!! She said that the reason she came by was that she knew I would tell her the truth. Thank goodness, the truth was what she needed wanted to hear!!!

We've all had our "hair" moments. Remember the shag in the 1970's? That was NOT a good look for me. It took a couple of years to grow out. Wish I had a picture to share.

So basically, I don't think anyone really wants or needs a second opinion. In the end, they've already made up their mind!


  1. That's what I keep in mind about all requests for advice. People rarely want you to tell them what to do, what they want is confirmation that they have made the right choice. I told my children that they should listen to all advice and then do what they believe is right for them. I said this to the people they married too but they didn't listen LOL

  2. I think you have got this just about right!

    Though, I have found that the older I get, the less I mind a completely honest opinion. Being open to listening to a different opinion can lead you in all sorts of directions, I started to discover later in life!

  3. I have learnt not to ask my husband what he thinks of something (dress, hair, shoes etc) because he always tells it like it is... but I can ask my son because he always says 'it looks lovely mum' If I really want a second opinion, I'll ask my friends, they are gently truthful :)

  4. Great observations on second opinions.


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