Steph's Turkey

This came out of the email archives. It's an "oldie" but a "goodie!" I've kidded around on here about how Stephanie is NOT a cook. This just goes to show what I'm talking about. This recipe is Steph's very own. I'll add my comments in red.

Steph's Turkey

1 smallish frozen turkey

Day One:

1. Place turkey in refrigerator to thaw 

Day Two:

2. Place turkey in cold water to thaw

3. Place turkey in warm water to speed up thawing

4. Cuss turkey while returning it to refrigerator to thaw

Day Three:

5. Run cold water over turkey to remove remaining ice

6. Chip ice away from cavity opening and pry out turkey innards

7. Bake for 2 hours - check for pop up done timer

8. Bake for 3 hours - check for pop up done timer (turns out she didn't even have the type of turkey with a pop-up timer---she thought they all had that)

9. Google "Done Turkey"

10. Call Mom (I'm like---"you just started baking your turkey at 6:30?)

11. Pierce crispy outer layer to see if juices run clear

12. Cuss juiceless turkey while putting it in refrigerator because it's 10:30 pm

Day Four:

13. Remove turkey from fridge

14. Remove turkey from congealed grease and all those clear juices that ran out of the turkey

15. Spend 1 hour making cranberry turkey wreath using less than 1/4 of turkey (legs only) (sounds like much too aggressive of a recipe for her)

16. Place remaining turkey (breast and bone) in generic brand ziploc bag and place in freezer

Day 180:

17. Cuss freezer-burned bag of turkey 

18. Realize there is no other food for dinner

19. Toss out turkey 

20. Order a pizza (you can never go wrong with pizza)

Now you know why we have her do clean-up!