Friday, August 17, 2007

You Better Believe that Humans are Being Cloned

All you have to do is to step into a furniture store to know that it's true. There are at least 4 clones of each salesman in the store. Everywhere you turn, there he is! They all have the same pasted smile and ask the same questions: "Is there something in particular I can help you find"? ("No, you dummy, you just asked me that two seconds ago---oh yeah, that must have been your clone that was at the front door").

I decided to spend some time today looking for new furniture for the living room to replace what we gave Mindy for her apartment. I went to 5 stores in an hour---7 minutes in each store and 5 minutes travel time to each. I figured out how to avoid the clones for about 2 minutes. As soon as I entered a store, I took a sharp right and went across the windows and then down the far right side of the store. I was able to dodge the salesman and reach the back of the store before he caught up with me. I've learned the best way to handle them. 1. Do not make eye contact. 2. Keep walking briskly while refusing their attempts to help. In response, he will say one of two things (must be part of salesmanship 101 as the same statements are made in every store): 1. "You look like you are on a mission" (I am, I have exactly 7 minutes in this store). 2. "You look like you know what you are looking for" (I do, so get out of my way).

I can remember a time when I used to love to shop---when I didn't have much money to spend. We bought the furniture we gave to Mindy 30 years ago from Penney's because Butch couldn't stand the empty room. No telling how long the room will be empty this time. I only found one set that I like pretty well. Everything seemed so dark and either too formal or too trendy. Chocolate brown and blue are definitely the "in" colors, but will surely be out next week if I buy it. And what's with the skulls and crossbones in decorating (okay, that was kids stuff, but I saw it as I circled the entire store)---I thought the Grateful Dead died in the 70's! I've seen these skulls all over the place lately---even in my favorite scrapbook store. In the scrapbook paper, the skulls were mixed with darling little bluebirds. Don't have a clue what that's all about. I guess I should ask the grandkids. I guess I'm getting old. I guess that's true. I guess I better not rush with this furniture as it might be the last that I buy. I guess if I keep it for 30 years, I can get rid of it before I go to the home. I guess it sounds like a plan!

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